Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
