oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
