The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
