I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
