Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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