i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
