It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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