I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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