Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
