I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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