well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
