So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im holly from the hills drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
