everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
