Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
