His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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