I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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