I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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