I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
