Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
