the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
