Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
