If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
