this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
