No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
