i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
