I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
