i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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