He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
