there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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