Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
