She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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