Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
