You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm jealous of your bromance
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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