why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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