I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
