As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
how drunk are you?
Several
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
