One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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