i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
