Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
