I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
