Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
