Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm both gender and math confused
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
