.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
