he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
