exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
