Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
