I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
