I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
