what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
