Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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