I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
