two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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