Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
